Blood and Semen - The Ruptured Testicle Chronicles
by Troumvirate
Summary: FUCKING NORMAL FAGS! GET THE FUCK OFF MY RWBY! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


This is the part where the story starts.

One day Jaune was trying his hardest to train and make something of himself. He wanted to do great things. He wanted to help his friends.

You see, Jaune wasn't a professional huntsman. He wanted to be one, sure, but he had no real training to speak of. He was just winging it. Making shit up as he went along. He was doing his best.

His partner and mentor Pyrrha had died. And when she died, some people thought that his story might be over. That he had nothing else to do. That he should call it quits. But no, Jaune persevered. He kept on going. You might even say, he kept moving forward.

But apparently that wasn't good enough for some people. Pyrrha's death had been a tragedy, but some people wanted to use it for their own agenda. They wanted to blame it, and everything else that went wrong, on Jaune. It wasn't Jaune's fault that he had to modify his style after Pyrrha died. He simply couldn't do the same things Pyrrha could. She was a one of a kind talent who was impossible to replicate. If anything, continuing on despite what had been lost was a great way of honoring his friend's memory.

So anyway, Jaune was training one day, and in the distance he could hear the faint sound of _REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_ ing coming his way. It was like a squealing pig, almost. _REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ In his mind he could almost smell long, greasy, rainbow coloured hair. He could swear he could see the sight of Reddit gold shimmering in the sunlight. This person was clearly very important. Their voice just _had_ to be heard.

To his surprise, Jaune was soon approached by another blonde instead of a rainbow-haired pig of a human being who liked to threaten artists who didn't draw their favorite cartoon characters the way they liked. A _female_ blonde with tits the size of the basketballs from Warner Brother's cultural sensation movie Space Jam starring Michael Jordan as himself, Billy West as Bugs Bunny, Dee Bradley Baker as Daffy Duck, and Steven Shenbaum as Player #2.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Yang shouted in his direction. Her eyes were red so you know she was mad. Super mad. "What do you think you're doing!"

Jaune looked up to greet the sister of his mentally handicapped best friend. "Oh, hi Yang. I'm not doing much. Just kind of here."

"Oh yeah? Stop _inserting_ yourself into places you don't belong!"

"Huh? When have I done that?"

"Um hello? Talking shit to Uncle Qrow when he was expositioning to you around the camp fire? How dare you be mean to such a cool and snarky character voiced by a famous voice actor who did all the voices from my favorite anime! Qrow is the best character ever because he's Edward Elric. He drinks alcohol. He's smug and angsty. He deserves to be here and you don't! It's not like he just came out of nowhere to hog all the screen time like _you_ do when you _insert_ yourself everywhere!"

Jaune was sad. She was right. He clearly liked to insert himself into places rather than just being a natural person. A real person. Like Yang. Who wasn't based on anyone except herself.

Yang's tits flapped in the wind as she went on. "Unlike you, _I'm_ not inserting myself into anything. My puns are _all me_. My blonde hair is mine and mine alone. No one lives vicariously through me."

Clearly Jaune should just kill himself. Or at least stop inserting himself into places like Yang said he was. Why, having this very conversation with Yang was probably exactly what she was talking about. He should just never speak again. He should not fight no more forever. Like an Indian. Or Native American for you rainbow-haired pigs out there. Put on some deodorant, cunts. He was walking a veritable trail of tears as he felt more pain than having a wounded knee.

"Hey that's not fair," Neptune said from out of nowhere. He placed a comforting hand on Jaune's shoulder. "Jaune, buddy. It's okay. If you're not comfortable enough talking to Yang, I'll talk for you."

There were tears in his eyes as Jaune nodded. Neptune was such a great friend. He would get that mean old Yang off his back.

"Yang, Jaune barely even talks to you or anyone else. Leave him alone."

"And that's too much!" she said Yangrily. "He's taking up all muh screentime! Didn't you even watch volume 4? Where was I?"

"Did you even watch volume 5? You were like a main character and it was the worst volume ever."

"No it wasn't!" Yang Yangsted. "REEEEEEEEEEE! Get out of my power fantasy cartoon! This show is about hot girls with cool weapons! Your Y chromosomes are ruining everything!"

So Jaune killed himself. Then Neptune killed himself. Then there was no one left to blame.

And everything Pyrrha had once tried to do was all for nothing. Only Yang remained.

The end.


End file.
